Absolutely splendid is Idle Thoughts of an Idle Process by Verity Stob:
"I'm glad it is a good old i variable. You just can't beat an i loop for smooth running, you know. Call me old-fashioned, but I can't be doing with iterators. I'm sure programmers think they look lovely in the source code but, when all is said and done, it's not programmers that get to execute it, is it? Programmers think exceptions look nice in the source code; two bits will get you a nybble that they wouldn't be so glib with their throws and re-raises and finallys if they had to unwind their own stacks. Handling an exception is like sliding down a four-storey staircase on your backside.
"(Whatever 'staircase' means. Or 'backside' for that matter. Found the phrase in the simile section of my string table and used it at a venture. It felt more appropriate to the case than, for example, 'This software program is fully protected by the laws of California.' Call it process intuition.)"