10.35, Monday 17 Jun 2002

Upsideclown issue 200. It's an achievement. Nearly two years ago (anniversary approaching fast), I wouldn't have thought we'd make it this far -- a 'site for the seven of us to put up writing. No editorial policy. No theme. Just the rota. Two hundred pieces! It'd be easier to write a list of the things that haven't been covered than the things that have. The greatest satisfaction I get: a bunch of people are writing who wouldn't usually write; words are being published that wouldn't usually be seen. And I love it.

Yet... It's #200 and Neil's leaving us. With this: "I falter, suddenly unable to understand my own intentions to throw away the fulfillment of everything I dreamed of as a boy, whose whispering paranoias and unspoken sadness were crushed beneath the weight of your flat chest on mine; our bodies were hot, glued together with mingled sweat, and the inch of air between our eloquent gazes thick with our mingled breath".

Neil's last Upsideclown: Cockfosters. I'll miss his writing.