Presenting Thursday's Upsideclown:

Here's how it used to work. After a hard week's grind, we'd relax for a few hours in the pub, then head on to the local totty centres. As long as you flashed lots of cash, wore a smart suit and generally behaved like a twat, you got plenty of unmerited attention. Then you plied a few kids with plenty of vodka (or Bacardi, depending on their level of sophistication) and appropriate mixer, declined the persistent pestering to 'ave a dahnce' in a token effort to preserve your dignity, and took home your pick of the two or three buzzing around you, like ordering fish in a fancy restaurant. Only cheaper and in many ways more satisfying. The next few hours you can imagine.

To be honest, I reckon Jamie's just showing off. Today's article is Spent.