I'd forgotten until I read something that reminded me. When I was younger I used to have really strong feelings. I wanted to change the world. I felt directionless but powerful and just wanted to strike out and fly. And now I see someone who really cares and I think: What have I lost? Once upon a time there were things I felt so strongly but didn't understand and I too could barely choke them out and I wanted to shout these things from the rooftops. And why do they have it and not me? I feel inferior in some way, empty.
But I haven't got that anger anymore. The world is too good. And perhaps that's it. That turmoil inside me is gone.
No longer do I feel I'm on the verge of something new and awesome. No longer am I scratching at the page trying to reveal something that in my guts I know is there. No longer tipping from fury to glory.
But I'll swing my feet in time. I'll set this boat rocking, get back up there. Blinding beams of light from my eyes, everything I see transparent before me. The beauty and wonder of life tugging me into the air, hauling me aloft where the cold air paralyses my lungs and reinjects me with life, my skin tingling as I feel every filament of reality walking itself across my face and body.