Roll up, roll up, for the new Upsideclown:

Constipation. As opening words to an article go, not the most promising of overtures, but one that seems particularly pertinent at the present time, when I appear to be having trouble forcing out anything of note. Two hours sat in one small, enclosed space with nothing to show for it but the threat of piles.

Please extend your sympathies to Jamie, who's caught up in some Scatological Warfare.