23.09, Wednesday 7 Jun 2000

I don't know whether to file this under Does he realise what he said? or You can't say that to the Queen!:

Ground Force star Alan Titchmarsh, 51, got an MBE at the ceremony. The Queen told Alan, who recently gave a lecture to her and Queen Mum at Sandringham WI*: "You've given a lot of ladies a lot of pleasure." Alan joked: "It took me ages to get the dirt out from under my nails."

From today's The Sun. Also in the rag: A boy standing on a chair and using a snooker cue as a pogo stick falls off and impales himself on it. Worth a read.